I’m biased because I didn’t change my name and never intend to, but I’m not insisting that women do anything other than what they are comfortable with. (However, If anyone is interested: “Against the name change: a polemic” by Silvana at Bitch Ph.D.)
Men, it’s not up to you to “insist” anything when it comes to women changing their name after getting married. If she wants to do it, fine. But you “insisting” is shitty thing to do. Marriage is so much more than a fucking name.
The backlash is strong, my friend.
When I was trying to decide what to do with my name I asked most of my guy friends whether it would bother them if their hypothetical wife kept her last name. Most of them said it would, but couldn’t articulate why. I was really surprised, both because most of my dudefriends are very liberal (which I’ve since learned really doesn’t count for much sexism-wise) and because they were so stubborn about not analyzing where those feelings were coming from. There was a lot of “It just would, okay!” and “It’s traditional.”. Eric felt weird about it at first, but he got over it. I don’t know what I would have done if he had “insisted”. Probably changed my name to Bobella McAwesomepants in protest.
I have zero intentions on ever changing my name and any dude who wants to make it legal better just deal with it. It’s not up for negotiation or compromise. If you want me to hyphenate, you better be willing to hyphenate too.
Fun fact about the foreign land in Europe known as The Netherlands! As a married woman (or husband, for that matter), you cannot legally change your name. You are free to use whatever name you want (take your husband’s, your husband can take yours, you can use a combination, etc.), however, no legal paper will ever reflect this change. You got a degree after you got married? The name in your ID or passport will be displayed because you cannot change that one. Got health insurance? Your card will display the name in your ID or passport which cannot be changed.
So, while you are allowed to call yourself any way you want informally, your entire identity is going to be preserved from those changes. Children can have the father’s name, the mother’s name or both.
So, yeah, I kinda like the system over here.
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