Attempted murder on the president of Turkmenistan

I briefly awake from my opium induced slumber to share what has to be the most hilarious Wikileak I read so far, via Cable Viewer (emphasis mine):

¶4. © Another incident reportedly occurred two months ago that was feared to be an assassination attempt. It was committed by a cat that ran in front of the President’s car as he was traveling to his residence in the village of Archibil. (NOTE: Archabil, 20 kilometers from Ashgabat, is located in the foothills of the Kopet Dag Mountains and is surrounded by forest. END NOTE) A military lieutenant reported that an officer from the Presidential Security Regiment, responsible for safeguarding that particular area, was fired the following day

Meanwhile, this guy refused to comment on this important diplomatic correspondence:

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